this is what happens when I get bored:

This is Caveman News Network, the news we want when you least want it. I'm your host Greg Bonehead, and I will be bringing you this useful news today.

First up today a cave school was attacked by Slingshot wielding terrorists. Our in field reporter Elise Clonk is there to bring us first hand what went on; Elise?

Elise: “Thanks Greg, and I am standing here where not two hours ago there were weapons of mass destruction hurling boulders at the local cave school. Shortly after the first round left eh long arm catapult, Men riding savage donkeys burst through the doors and started shooting with assault slingshots.”

Greg: “Elise, can you tell us how many were killed?”

Elise: “So far the body count is unknown. When the police arrived the Terrorist shot them first, and then went on to kill unknown amounts of beavers and foxes.”

Greg: “Where any Cave children hurt?”

Elise: “No, however the Terrorists did read them stories that involved Dragons, and blood, and many children are suffering from trauma.”

Greg “How were the terrorists stopped?”

Elise: “They um, well they actually went home.”

Greg: “We will now take you to our local expert of criminal psychology, John Ugg, are you there?”

John: “Yes, Thank you Greg.”

Greg: “John, in your opinion, can you explain how this all came around?”

John: “Well, I would say that it has to do with this country's rampant allowing citizens to carry assault Slingshots. Slingshots have been the cause of dozens of deaths over the years, and the fact that anyone can own one has lead to many unsavory types such as these terrorists to get a hold of them.”

Greg: “Are you suggesting a slingshot ban?”

John: “Well, not exactly, one does not want to take away freedoms from out people, but I do think that an all around restriction of Arms for general public will be necessary, leaving only registered law enforcers with such devices to protect themselves from savages such as these.”

Greg: “Thank you John for sharing your thoughts, now we will turn you over to what our President had to say.”

“We are very sorry to all those animals who lost their lives in the shooting today. We will think about them for the next few days.” -President Bonk

Greg: “Thank you for tuning in, in a few minutes we will cover how the Banana Peel inc Banana rig explosion has cause hundreds of golfers to lose their tournaments, and later we will cover the British tea parties held by the Victorian radicals. Stay tuned, this is Caveman News Network.